If you don’t spend an unhealthy amount of time scrolling through various social media sites like we do, you might not be aware that Rihanna has some of the most obsessive fans on the Internet.
And a surprising number of those RiRi stans are extremely interested in the goings on of the singer’s uterus.
Yes, weirdos on Twitter very much want Rihanna to procreate, and in a way, we don’t blame them.
Who doesn’t want to live in a world in which little Rihanna offspring are toddling along some beach, hopefully obeying very strict orders to stay away from Mommy’s special gummy bears?
Unfortunately, the speculation is so feverish that every time Rih rocks some loose clothing, fans basically start picking out names.
Rihanna was honored at the 69th Annual Parsons Benefit last week, and as you can see, she eschewed her usual form-fitting attire for the occasion.
It was neither the first nor the last time that the singer was spotted rocking some baggy attire in recent weeks, and Ms. Fenty’s recent sartorial choices have some fans losing their minds.
But unfortunately for the Rihanna pregnancy truthers, it seems there’s no bun in the Barbadian oven just yet.
A source close to the 29-year-old tells Hollywood Life that Rihanna is 100% not knocked up:
“Rihanna isn’t pregnant, sorry to disappoint everyone, but, nope. She has something going on, but it’s private,” says the insider.
Continuing to ride the train of frustrating vagueness, the insider adds:
“The speculation is tough for Rihanna. But she knows she’ll be back to her regular self soon enough.”
We think it’s pretty obvious what’s going on here:
Clearly, Rihanna is secretly carrying twins as Beyonce’s surrogate.
Yes, it’s time to wake up, sheeple.
Beyonce is faking another pregnancy, and this time she’s employed RiRi as a pawn in her diabolical game.
Right now, Bey is walking around semi-comfortably with half a basketball under her shirt, while the future Turquoise Kudzu and Jade Bougainvillea gestate inside Rihanna.
For those who don’t do well with sarcasm, we’d like to take this opportunity to point out that we’re joking.
Even so, don’t be surprised if Alex Jones picks that theory up and runs with it.
The more batsh-t the conspiracy theory, the better with that guy.